I wouldn’t say I was someone who loved being in school growing up (I enjoyed the learning aspect far more than the homework, testing and endless competition aspects of my education), but there are some things I miss about it. One thing in particular was winter break. I’m sure I’m not saying anything you haven’t felt before, but wasn’t that break just the best? Those few weeks at the end of each calendar year were something I always looked forward to. I knew there would be time to relax and sit around, to do absolutely nothing. In fact, I usually ended up getting so bored of the monotony that by the time school was starting up again, I was ready to head back to see my friends and read more books (which is the main purpose of school IMO). However, I think there’s been a small side effect from years of Christmas/winter breaks that’s impacted me in adulthood - and that’s the fact that every year, without fail, I find it more and more difficult to grasp the idea of New Year’s resolutions.
I’ve long been fascinated with the idea of New Year’s resolutions. I don’t know when it happened but at some point in my 20s, I started to get extremely annoyed at the concept of resolutions. This most likely coincided with bouts of deep depression and anxiety (you can read My Brain’s Not Broken for more about that journey), but I remember being very agitated by them. I saw them as another opportunity for me to fail at something, and that negative thought spiraled (as it often can) into negative thoughts about myself, and about my ability to accomplish my goals. Needless to say, I wasn’t too interested in starting my year off right.
First introduced by the ancient Babylonians approximately 4,000 years ago, New Year’s resolutions were a way for people to find favor with their god(s) by promising to pay off debts or return things they had borrowed. In essence, people were making promises that they would find even footing in the new year. From Romans to early Christians into the modern era, New Year’s resolutions have continued to exist in some form or another, though their goal has changed slightly. Instead of making offerings or promises to a god, this tradition has turned mostly secular, largely revolving around self-improvement. And though 45 percent of Americans say they usually make New Year’s resolutions, only about 8 percent of people are successful in achieving their goals.
But there’s a certain romanticism around this time of year, and it extends from well before Christmas all the way into the New Year for many of us. There’s more hope, more optimism we feel in our hearts. News that is being shared is typically more uplifting, and most of the day-to-day annoyances have taken a pause for the week. When we look at the calendar year ahead of us, the possibilities seem endless. If we don’t like something we’re doing? Now’s the time to stop. Have we always wanted to do something? Now’s the time to start. We’re never going to have more steam in our engine than we do right now, so we may as well go for it!
Before I go further, I want to bring things back around to my Christmas breaks as a kid. Why did I love them so much? There are the standard reasons: no school, time to laze around, no school, eating whatever I wanted and did I mention no school? But as I got older and went up each new grade, I realized that this time was a break I sorely needed. By the time I reached college, I was trying to leave campus the moment my final exam was done so I could have time to myself and for myself. The older I got, the more I required that rest. That’s why the New Year never felt like a new beginning. For 22 years, New Year’s came in the middle of my school year; since I played basketball my whole life, it also came right in the middle of basketball season. This wasn’t a time for a new beginning; it was a time of rest and recharging for the second half of that school year’s journey.
Once I finished school, I thought my time might be my own again. And yet, once I made it through all my schooling, worked hard and found myself a job in the “real world,” I was actually given less time than ever to rest. There were no more breaks surrounding the winter holidays, no time off unless I convinced someone (often multiple someones) that I deserved it or it fit well with their schedule. My time was no longer my own - and it was a harsh realization to come to.
Most years are filled with their ups and downs but for me, 2022 felt like an endless barrage of emotions. And now, only a week after the world seems closed in that time between Christmas and New Year’s, we are off to the races for 2023, talking about how much we want to accomplish, what our goals are and how we can get there. But I’m still tired. I’m still hurting. I’m not going to pretend I’m refreshed because the calendar year has changed, and I don’t need to. But here’s the thing: I still have goals. I actually have a ton of things I want to accomplish (in fact, you’re reading one of those things right now). But I can’t afford to wait for inspiration, for the “right moment” to finally get started because if I do, I won’t get my feet off the ground.
If you feel so inspired to make your goals for 2023, I won’t stop you. And next year, I may even join you. But for now, I’m going to continue finding ways to get the most out of the days, the weeks, the months that lay before me. Because for me, a fresh start begins every single day when I open my eyes, and I have a new opportunity to leave this world better than I found it. Wherever this finds you, I hope you get what you need today, tomorrow and in the year ahead.