The Memories That Shape Us
Inspired by the movie "Holes."
Living in the modern digital age brings a lot of headaches. Misinformation, disinformation, spam, invasive ads…the list goes on and on. But there’s a good side to the digital age as well. The side with memes, screenshoots, GIFs, reaction videos, inside jokes that reference inside jokes from months ago…the list goes on and on. As someone who was raised in the middle ground of social media (the number of conversations I had, one sentence at a time, on my public Facebook wall is astonishing to me), I try to utilize the benefits of digital media while limiting its harm.
When it comes to my presence online, I wouldn’t say it’s very heavy. Like many people, I have a lot of anxiety around posting on the Internet, both because of my GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and because, well... *gestures vaguely* look at it. But one thing I do love doing is scrolling through Twitter because after years of well-placed likes and retweets, my timeline is right where I want it to be. And when it pays off (which it does often), I get extremely excited. Every year, there are new main characters and trends that get a spotlight not just because of the post itself, but all the posts that come as a result of the original one.
The Internet was chugging right along in 2022 and it wasted no time in 2023, getting right into things from the jump:
I don’t even think I saw this original tweet on my own timeline; the reason I saw it was the many, many quote tweets of people sharing their favorite songs, using movie or tv show clips that unlocked memories I didn’t even know I had. There were many, many standouts, but my favorite one of all was this clip:
Okay, I’ll admit it - I don’t have the best memory. Maybe it’s my personality, maybe it’s the anxiety, maybe it’s the depression, who knows? Remembering things day-to-day is it’s own challenge, but long-term memories can be tricky. That being said, the way I remember certain things from the past - especially specific/random things - has always been interesting to me. I don’t always know what triggers it, but I love the way that certain things can unlock memories for me. Not just a memory of a moment or a time in my life, but a memory of my feelings and emotions during that time as well. That might sound like a dressed up way of saying I feel nostalgia, but there’s more to it than that.
Which brings me to the video above. I love the nostalgia of old tv and movie clips, ones that take you back to a time where that clip was THE moment, and this was one for me. Holes brings back fond memories and not just one moment in time, but an important era of my childhood. I first read the book in second grade, which was the first time I had a teacher give me a book to read because she genuinely thought I’d enjoy it - not for homework, and not to pass a test. I can’t even guess the number of times I read that book over the next few years. I’d read chapter books before, and I went on read Louis Sachar’s bibliography all the way through (the stories from Wayside School are still some of the funniest, most creative stories I’ve ever read). But there was something special about Holes, something I couldn’t put my finger on at the time. Something an eight-year-old can’t put into words, but can certainly feel.
As I listened to the lyrics and watched clips from the movie, it all came rushing back. The joy of seeing a movie based on a book that I never would’ve expected. The fact that I saw this story in my head, and what was put on screen was even better than I could’ve imagined. Remembering “I can fix that,” Madame Zeroni’s song and of course, this iconic exchange. This book (and the movie that followed) was one of my first memories of falling in love with a story, enjoying the journey of these characters and feeling so invested in what would happen to them. It’s a rush of feelings that I don’t think about often but when I remember, I’m reenergized and renewed.
It’s incredible, the things we remember. I couldn’t tell you what I had for dinner last Thursday without some serious thought, but I know every word to “Let Me Love You” by Mario without missing a beat. I lose my keys on a weekly basis, but the song I learned about self-confidence in sixth grade also pops into my head on a weekly basis (and yes, I know all the lyrics to that one, too).
I used to think that if I couldn't remember something, it must be because it’s not worth remembering. There’s an air of dismissiveness we give to forgotten memories or times we can’t remember. It’s almost as if we have have to disqualify these moments as a way to justify why they’re forgotten. But I think those memories can be some of the most powerful ones when they return. I like to think of these moments as memories that lay dormant, joining all the other collective memories that have built us. And every now and then, we get a peek at those moments in time, reminding us not just who we were, but who we are.
So whether it pops up on Twitter, in conversation or when I’m just walking on the street, I’ll welcome these reminders. Reminders of things I’ve loved, things I’ve enjoyed, things that have made me who I am. I don’t remember everything about what’s made me who I am, but each of these moments has value. Each of these moments matter. If something jumpstarts my brain and unlocks a memory, I can’t help but reflect. It's a small window of how I became who I am today, almost like a peek behind the curtain. However silly, inconsequential or random those moments seemed, I'm grateful. They've made me who I am, and I wouldn't be where I am without them.